


Drift Away

by stormoftara



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 10:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20599076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormoftara/pseuds/stormoftara
Summary: Six thousand years isn't so long to wait, right?





	Drift Away

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, SU fandom I come in peace! I bring you angst that is also my headcanons about where Spinel got the weapons she brought to Earth.

This was such an exciting fun day! Spinel could hardly contain her energy as she skipped along beside her Pink Diamond. "I can't wait to see the new colony!"

Pink Diamond flinched slightly, biting her lip. That was strange. Lately she had been doing things like that more often. And telling Spinel that she didn't have time to play! That was silly! There was always time to play!

Pink Diamond was walking away without her. Spinel enlarged her hands and wrapped them around Pink Diamond's wrist. 

"Spinel." Pink Diamond's looked down at her curiously as she removed her arms from Spinel’s grasp. "Let's play a game, okay? I'll show you how to play."

A new game? That Pink Diamond wanted to teach her? This was possibly even more exciting than the new colony! Spinel could hardly keep herself from bouncing in place. She could only smile brightly up at her diamond in joy.

"I need you to stay very still, right here in the garden. No moving, okay? Just stand right here." Pink Diamond bopped her on the nose making Spinel laugh.

“I never heard of this game before.” Spinel stretched out her arms to grab back onto Pink Diamond, but she just wagged a finger in her direction.

“It’s a new game. Remember, you have to stay still. I’m sure you’ll be very good at it. Can you do that for me?” Pink Diamond stood up, dusting the dirt from her knees.

"This will be so much fun!" Spinel giggled back.

Pink Diamond closed her eyes and gave the purest smile that Spinel had ever seen. That's all she ever wanted. Just that smile. Nothing could make her happier. So she was glad to stand here and wait! No matter what happened, as long as it brought a smile to Pink Diamond's face.

Pink Diamond turned and started to walk towards the transporter. She walked so purposefully, not looking back even once. She stepped on the pad, and in a flash of blue light, Pink Diamond was taken up among the stars. Spinel kept watching as the light dissipated and only the sparkling lights of the stars remained.

Spinel stood very still. That's how this game was played after all. She hadn't asked for any additional rules, like for how long she had to stand here, but she was sure it wouldn't be that long. It hardly mattered. She would gladly wait for as long as it took. 

Still, she couldn't help but to look around the garden. They had played so many games together here! Between the colorful flowers and the tall white pillars, this garden was home to Spinel. She loved it here. Looking up was the endless expanse of space. There were so many stars. How many of those might Spinel visit someday? Well for now she simply had to wait.

And so she waited.

It wasn't terribly exciting, but she managed. Counting the stars above, watching the plants grow, seeing a few species of butterflies fly around. It was fascinating to see how things slowly changed. The blue flowers next to Spinel she loved the most. They were called "Forget-me-nots". What a silly name! Who would forget. About a friend.

Time was wearing on. Spinel was counting the days, the minutes, the seconds, but sometimes she rather not think about just how many had passed by already. It was fine! Spinel thought she was doing a really good job at playing this game. Pink Diamond would be impressed. Really impressed!

The flowers were overgrown. The white pillars were starting to crack as vines weaved around them. Things were changing, but with every change there was at least something new to look at! It was fun! Right?

There were so many forget-me-nots now.

Spinel wondered why Pink Diamond had gone for so long. It had been over a thousand years. A painful sensation hit her chest but Spinel chose to ignore it. Her Diamond would be back soon! Then they could play a new game! Maybe Spinel should think up some new ones to surprise Pink once she got back.

Time kept on moving. So slowly. So very slowly.

The flowers were starting to wither. 

Spinel thought maybe she was playing this game wrong. Pink Diamond had told her to stay perfectly still. Yet she was moving her eyes! How could she be so silly? Obviously all Spinel had to do was not move her eyes and she would win! Then Pink would be back to free her from this boredom! Not that she was bored, it was so much fun to play Pink Diamond's game. 

It was hard to keep her eyes still. They naturally followed any movement she saw. This was no good! Spinel was bad at this game. She had to win! Maybe if she just kept her eyes closed for awhile.

Having her eyes closed made her feel too anxious. She couldn't see if Pink came back like that. She had to know the second she returned.

So she opened her eyes and focused only on the transporter. No matter how much she wanted to move, she didn't let herself. The game had to be won! It had to be! This was…

<strike>Not</strike> so much fun.

Thousands more years went by.

Spinel finally allowed herself to move her eyes again. When she noticed something. Well, maybe the lack of something. All the flowers in the garden had withered away. When had that happened? She hadn't been paying attention and everything had broken.

All the forget-me-nots were gone. All gone.

Was she doing a good job? If she did a better job would Pink Diamond finally come back for her? What would it take? What was she doing wrong?

The painful burning in her chest returned, but it felt way worse than before. No amount of distractions could keep the pain away. There weren't any distractions left anyway. The garden was gone. Nothing was left. Just Spinel.

Alone.

But she had to keep waiting. And waiting. And wondering what she did wrong.

Pink Diamond?

No?

Sometimes Spinel heard her voice in her head. A voice from long ago. Telling Spinel to stay here, to stay still. She had looked so happy then. The memory of her smile made the pain in her chest feel a bit lighter, but it didn’t go away completely.

Things… things didn’t feel right anymore. Spinel felt confused. 

Where did Pink Diamond go for so long? Didn't she care about their garden? About Spinel? Everything was broken now. Even if she came back, how could they play around like they used to? How could anything ever be the same again?

Time kept on passing with no answers and every second she counted hurt more than the last one.

Spinel's chest felt so heavy and full and painful. She really wasn't having fun anymore. This game felt like it would never be over. Spinel wanted it to be over. No, she needed it to be over.

Looking at the ruined state of the garden was too upsetting. Spinel was sure she didn't look much better either. This was exhausting, which is something she had never experienced before, so she really had no frame of reference for it. Her mind played back the memories of the happy times she played with Pink Diamond. It didn’t make the pain go away anymore.

It had only been a short time she spent with Pink. Very short compared to the past six thousand years.

Soon. Soon. Soon.

She had to come back soon. 

It surprised her when there was a sudden noise, a flashing of light, from the opposite side of the garden. It was a message. Finally something! Her feet moved without her thinking about it, even though she was breaking the rules of the game. There was finally finally some news from her Diamond. Everything could go back to the way it used to be. Spinel could feel the pain lessening in her chest. Soon she could have fun with Pink Diamond again!

But as the message played out, Spinel could hardly believe it. This was the worst. The absolute worst.

She moved towards the hologram, her body feeling stiff from disuse, hearing a voice. His voice. Pink Diamond’s son. 

Pink Diamond was gone. She never had any intention of coming back at all.

She had left her behind like a discarded toy.

Spinel fell to her knees, her eyes filling up with tears. Now nothing could ever go back to the way it was before. Pink was dead and had forgotten about Spinel long ago. She had made new friends. Better friends, right? Better than useless Spinel.

Why had Pink Diamond gone and made new friends when she had Spinel waiting for her?

She dug her fingers into the dirt as the message played over again, that stupid voice flooding her mind. All these new, competing and complex emotions were flooding her mind and she couldn't take it. It was all too much. She was lonely and angry and sad and confused-

What was she even supposed to do now?

What was the purpose of a gem made to make others smile when those she is meant to play with are long dead?

Did she not even have a purpose anymore?

The message continued on it’s maddening loop but she didn’t want to stop it, she wanted to hear it over and over, the confirmation that she had never mattered at all. 

She really didn't have a purpose. It was all so pointless, those wasted years of her life waiting for someone to come back. She had been so stupid. No one cared or remembered her anymore. There was nothing left for her. 

Nothing.

Spinel stumbled to her feet. Back near the teleporter, there was a hidden room where Pink had kept her weapons. Who knows what state they would be in after all these years, but Spinel was tired. There was something in there that could shatter her and bring an end to her useless existence.

An almost manic-like smile appeared on her face as she thought about shattering herself. Ha! It was funny. Everything was so funny and so stupid. With more control over her body now, she made her way towards the secret room.

She placed her hand on the panel on the wall. Despite the years it had stood the test of time. She didn't have much hope for the door working, but after some groans it did indeed shift open.

Spinel walked in, looking around. Pink Diamond had left a lot of weapons behind. The walls were lined with various tools and swords, all in Pink’s signature color. So many weapons had been forged for her, unbeknownst to the rest to the Diamonds. Spinel knew, of course, but it wasn’t like she felt any need to tell anyone. She only served Pink, and the weapons made her happy. That’s all Spinel had cared about back then, when she was even stupider than she was now.

Although that did make her wonder if Pink cared so much about her weapons, why had she left so many behind here in the garden? Spinel felt her teeth clench. Obviously Pink didn't care about anything so long as she could replace it. 

Near the back wall was the most dangerous weapons. There were a few handles for weapons that only worked once switched on. One of those she took down, flipping it on. It was a scythe. Pink had told her about this one. It could reset a gem back to how it was made, for those who were disobedient. Ha. Better to be disobedient than to stand like a moron for six thousand years.

Well she didn't want to be reset anyway. She wanted to shatter her gem. There was something way better for that. Spinel replaced the scythe and took down a rather elegant looking sword with an ornate design of flowers on it. Were they forget-me-nots? Wouldn't that be just fitting. This one sword Pink told her to never touch. It was too dangerous, since it had the rare ability to shatter a gem.

It could shatter a gem!

She would be shattered!

Hope and joy washed over Spinel as she held the long pink sword in her hands. It was going to be over! No need for fanfare, no need for goodbyes, there would be no one to miss her or even know she ever existed. The dumbest gem in the universe. She would drift away just like Pink Diamond had all those years ago.

Spinel flipped the sword in her hands and targeted it towards her gem. With a swift movement she jabbed into it with all her might. 

Everything went dark.

And then a pink filled light that she recognized. Her own gem.

What?

What?

She hadn't been shattered! Just poofed! 

Anger boiled inside her nonexistent form. Of course. Of course there were no swords that could actually shatter a gem. She had been foolish to believe it would work. It had just been another one of Pink's lies. So many lies! Lies on top of lies so she could leave Spinel all alone and go have fun with her new friends. And her son.

Spinel hated them all. All of them! They needed to pay for every lie that Pink Diamond had told her. The whole planet Earth had to pay! Everyone would pay for her years of abandonment!

Sitting inside her gem, her thoughts filled with only revenge, a new Spinel was born.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to write more Spinel angst now @__@
> 
> Follow my Twitter @stormoftara for more of me crying,


End file.
